Fighting the Quiet Battles

 Today I’m okay. Not great, not terrible just here, hanging in there. Exhaustion sits on my shoulders like a familiar weight, and there’s this quiet feeling of worthlessness that keeps poking at me. I keep questioning if I’m a good enough teacher, if I’m doing enough for my students, if I’m even the person I thought I could be.


Life feels tiring lately. Marriage feels off balance with negative moments stacking on top of each other. Even when the day is successful, it takes so much effort that by the end of it, I’m drained. Today was one of those days productive, but emotionally expensive.


But even in the heaviness, God always leaves a spark.

Today, it was driving my wife around and having real moments with her. Quality time. Laughing. Smiling. Talking about life and everything in between. Those moments didn’t erase the negatives, but they made the weight lighter for a little while.


My biggest challenge continues to be staying positive. My mind has been loaded with negative thoughts about myself, and the past haunts me more often than I want to admit. I smile, I laugh, and I push forward but behind those moments is a battle I fight quietly every day.


I even grabbed my cross chain today, rubbed it between my fingers, whispered a prayer… hoping for calm. It didn’t fix everything, but I heard something inside me anyway:


“Do not give up, my child. You are amazing and have a gift many people wish they had.”


Maybe that was God.

Maybe that was my spirit trying to breathe again.

Maybe both.


Looking forward, I want a more positive mind and attitude.

I want to be a better teacher not perfect just better. Someone the kids can look up to. Someone my wife can rely on. Someone I can look in the mirror and say, “You’re doing enough.”


One step at a time.


 “Still Here”


I’m tired, but I’m still standing,

Worn down but still trying.

A smile on my face,

A storm behind my eyes.


My past keeps calling,

My doubts keep crawling,

But hope whispers softly:

“You’re still here

and that means something.”


Dear God,

Thank You for getting me through another day.

Even when my mind is heavy and my heart feels weak,

You still place small moments of light around me.


Help me find strength in myself again.

Help me fight the thoughts that pull me down.

Guide me in my marriage, my teaching, and my spirit.

Show me how to be better and remind me

that You’re not finished with me yet.


Amen.

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