Feeling Grateful

 

Today I feel grateful but also numb at the same time. I’m taking a different approach at work being more to myself, more reserved, more intentional. That mindset showed up most strongly in the morning. Waking up early for my second job forces me to think, to consider a lot of things before the day even begins. I start my mornings with a positive mind and a positive attitude, and that helps set the tone.

Nothing specific bothered me today, and I’m grateful for that. Still, there are emotions tied to my job especially my second job that sit quietly in the background. They do bother me, but I don’t fight them anymore. I pray about them and then leave them to myself. 

One thing that has truly made life easier is prayer. Faith has been showing up in simple ways riding my motorbike, feeling the open air, breathing freely. In those moments, I feel free. Free enough to believe that I’m learning from my mistakes instead of being trapped by them. My heart keeps trying to talk to me, and I’m learning to listen without panic.

My biggest fear right now is health my own, my mother’s, and my wife’s. I keep asking myself how much time I really have. There is still so much I want to do, and sometimes it feels like there’s so little time to do it all.

My faith today is quiet, but it’s real. I am struggling yet trusting. What I ask God for is simple: some financial assistance, a bit of freedom, the ability to rest, and the chance to become who I have always wanted to be.

Poem: Quiet but Real

Grateful heart, yet feeling numb,

A quieter road is where I’ve come.

I walk to work before the sun,

Two jobs, one mind, the day begun.

Morning thoughts keep me aligned,

Positive heart, a steadied mind.

Nothing loud disturbed my way,

Still heavy feelings choose to stay.

I pray them off, I let them rest,

No need to wrestle every test.

The engine hums, the open air,

A breath that tells me I’m still here.

My heart speaks soft I try to hear,

Not through panic, not through fear.

Health and time weigh on my chest,

So much to do, so little rest.

My faith is quiet, not on display,

But real enough to guide my way.

I struggle still, yet choose to trust,

In grace, in growth, in what I must.

Prayer: Quiet Faith

God,

Thank You for today for the calm, for the gratitude, even for the numbness. Thank You for the mornings that reset my mind and give me strength before the day begins.

I place my work in Your hands, especially the parts that weigh on me quietly. I don’t have all the answers, but I choose to pray instead of panic, to trust instead of carry everything alone.

Thank You for the moments of freedom the ride, the air, the breath that remind me I am learning, not failing. Help me continue to listen to my heart without fear.

I bring You my biggest concern: health mine, my mother’s, and my wife’s. You know my thoughts about time, about how much there is still left to do. Help me trust You with what I cannot control.

My faith may be quiet, but it is real. I am struggling yet trusting.

I ask for financial help, for rest, for a little freedom so I can live as the person You placed in my heart long ago.

Amen.