Scattered, Still Standing

This week felt scattered. Not chaotic in the loud sense but scattered in the quiet way that pulls you apart from the inside.

I’ve been drained by a feeling that’s hard to explain being in my own home yet not feeling welcomed. Speaking, yet not feeling heard. Smiling, yet still feeling silenced.

Work wasn’t terrible. People were okay. I kept to myself by choice, by protection. And in small moments, when I did open up, I felt something unexpected: relief. Not because everything was fixed but because being seen, even briefly, reminded me that I still matter.

Time feels short.

Money feels tight.

Responsibilities keep multiplying.

And uncertainty seems to be everywhere I look.

Yet somewhere in the middle of all this, I was reminded of a hard truth life was never meant to be easy. If it were easy, it wouldn’t require prayer. It wouldn’t require faith. It wouldn’t push us to want to become better in a broken world.

Peace came in fragments this week. A colleague helping without knowing how much it meant. A conversation that felt human. Music in solitude. Prayer whispered through exhaustion. Routine not perfect but attempted.

The emotions followed closely tiredness, loneliness, determination, gratitude. And honesty demands I say this too my mind wasn’t always clean. Sinful thoughts crept in, uninvited, persistent. But even there, I didn’t stop praying.

What most people don’t see is this the smile on my face carries joy and gratitude—but it hides more than words can explain. More than letters can spell. Some weight is carried silently because there’s no place safe enough to set it down.

Faith didn’t disappear this week. It worked overtime. Prayer felt heavy at times, like effort instead of comfort but it kept me going. So, I keep pushing. Not because it’s easy but because it’s necessary.

And if this week had one honest sentence, it would be this I’m scattered all over the placebut I’m still standing.

Poem 

I smiled through days that pulled me thin,

Where silence spoke from deep within.

A house can hold a weary soul,

Yet leave the heart without a role.

I walked through work with guarded eyes,

Soft hellos hiding louder cries.

A helping hand, a word unplanned,

Reminded me I still can stand.

I’m tired, lonely, grateful too,

Determined still to follow through.

My thoughts may wander, faith may strain,

But prayer still flows through every pain.

Scattered pieces, not yet whole,

Still stitched together by my soul.

Prayer

God,

You see what I don’t say.

You hear what never leaves my lips.

You know the weight behind the smile,

the silence I carry,

the tiredness that sleep doesn’t fix.

Thank You for the small moments of peace for people who help without knowing,

for conversations that heal quietly,

for music, routine, and the strength to pray even when prayer feels heavy.

Forgive me for the thoughts that pull me away from You.

Clean my mind. Steady my heart.

Help me keep choosing You even when I feel scattered.

I don’t ask for an easy life.

I ask for endurance, clarity, and a faith that holds when everything else feels unsure.

Amen.