Between Falling and Faith

Day three of my new job, and depression continues to resurface even in the middle of simple routines. Doubt creeps in. Sinful thoughts crowd my mind when I am trying to focus, improve, and move forward. I want to stay disciplined to read, to complete tasks, to better myself but something always pulls me away. I feel conflicted and unsure of what to do next.

There are moments when my body wants to give in, to stop fighting, to rest in avoidance instead of growth. Writing feels like the only place where my thoughts can slow down enough for me to understand them. Without it, everything feels tangled.

I know I have done a lot in my life. I also know that I sometimes stand in my own way. Growth requires steps, and God has already placed them in front of me. I hesitate because I’m afraid of failing, of messing up again but I’m reminded that falling is part of the process. What matters is standing back up.

Today, I choose to acknowledge the struggle without letting it define me. I am not finished. I am still becoming. 

Prayer

God, please help strengthen me and guide me away from sin and distraction.

Help me find a better path than the one my doubts keep leading me down.

Give me clarity when my thoughts feel scattered and heavy.

Help me become financially capable and stable so I can provide for my family with peace and confidence.

Teach me how to balance the weight of today while still holding onto joy—for myself and for others.

I give You what I have, even when it feels incomplete.

Please continue to guide my steps, especially when I am afraid to take them.

Amen.

Poem

Depression hums through quiet days,

Through simple tasks, familiar ways.

I try to move, to read, to grow,

But doubt reminds me what I know.


The mind drifts dark where it shouldn’t stay,

Sinful thoughts pull strength away.

I fight with words, I fight with pen,

Writing holds me now and then.


My body begs to just give in,

To rest inside the weight, I’m in.

But still a voice cuts through the noise:

You have a choice. You have a choice.


God laid steps before my feet,

Not for perfection just repeat.

Fall, then rise, and try once more,

That’s what the faithful stumble for.


I’ve done so much, yet I still stall,

Afraid I’ll fail, afraid I’ll fall.

But wisdom stands in rising again,

Not in never failing

Amen.

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